Language Of Apology

A violation of a value causes emotional pain especially when the love language that you rely on to feel belonging, acceptance or deep regard is then contradicted. Insults can leave you shattered and those words are not easily forgotten (Words of Affirmation). Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be essentially hurtful (Quality Time). A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures (Receiving Gifts). Laziness, broken commitments, and creating additional work, communicates to receivers of this language that their feelings don’t matter (Acts of Service). And finally, physical distancing, neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive (Physical Touch).

Surviving the Holidays

The holidays are a time of love, laughter and joy; or at least ideally that’s what we all want them to be. It is the perfect presentation of the romanticized view we hold of love, family, and romance (Every kiss begins with Kay!). The Commercials reflect the joy, connection, and wholesome embrace of goodwill and peace. It is also the perfect recipe for comparison and feeling slapped with the loneliness of being reminded of everything you do not have and not being where you should be. Chances are that the realities of the holidays are filled with stress, loneliness and disappointment especially when you are not able to spend quality time with those you love.

A common theme during the holidays is the slight despondence of where we are relationally. The pressure of either following through with the expectations of the relationships we hold, or of being involved in the societal expectations of having family and relationships. This time can really highlight our own insecurities of what is and what should be.

When feeling overwhelmed, consider the following tips:

Coping Without Closure

‘Are you happy? Would you tell me if you weren’t? Would I realize it if I wasn’t?’

How do you define happy? Was happy the emotion that I felt? As I lay against him and aligned my breathing with his, I realized the thing I actually felt was safe. I saw that I associated safety with love and subsequently with happy. Normal people probably take the feeling of safety for granted. They only notice when they suddenly feel unsafe. There was something odd in his voice that I couldn’t decipher. I was attuned to changes in people, although I would always second guess and doubt my instincts. Since mine could clearly not be trusted, I would have to rely on their answers to find truth…

Sleep and Grief

Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It is felt profoundly, yet differently, by everyone. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It is a journey that we are forced to undertake when we lose someone we care about. Understanding grief, however, doesn’t make it any less difficult or painful.

Grief is felt on an emotional level, but also on a physical level. Your heart can literally ache. A memory can cause your stomach to lurch. A photograph can make tears well in your eyes. Some nights, your mind races so fast that you cannot sleep. Other times you feel you could sleep all day.

“If we let the despair set in, all aspects of life, including our sleep, will be negatively impacted. We will either have a hard time falling asleep or sleep excessively to escape reality,” said Dr. J. Salim, a dentist with Sutton Place Dental Associates in New York specializing in sleep apnea. “The net effect of these two possibilities is anxiety, lethargy, fatigue, loss of productivity, despair, hopelessness, compromises health, weight gain, and loss of will and motivation to advance in life.”

The truth is, insomnia and hypersomnia (excessive sleepiness or drowsiness) are not an uncommon symptom of grieving. And they can make the pain and anguish of grief worse. But there are things you can do to help you get the rest you need. And, in time, the intensity of your grief should become more manageable.

conflict, Emotions, general, mental health, Motivation, relationshiphabiba zamanJanuary 19, 2021sleep, grief, avoidance, anxiety, acceptance, attachment, covid-19, coping, counselor, communicationComment

Insomnia During a Breakup

There is an actual name for a broken heart: Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. This long-winded word means extreme stress from heartbreak, and it is a very real experience some people have to go through.

Heartbreak is a living, breathing personal torment that most of us encounter at one point or another in our lives. The loss of love can present itself in a form so severe, the grief can leave room for many other serious conditions such as insomnia, loss of appetite, depression, anxiety and even suicide or death.

“It has been concluded that rejection and emotional and physical pain are all processed in the same regions of the brain,” says Aimee Barr, LCSW. “The experience of heartbreak is so potent that researchers have concluded that those who have recently been through a breakup display similar brain activity when shown photos of their loved one as they do when in physical pain.”

She continues, “I believe that heartbreak is one of the most emotionally grueling experiences anyone can go through.”

Such severe emotions no doubt have a profound effect on your sleep, when memories of happier times can creep into your mind and invade your thoughts when you’re trying to fall asleep at night. When you are moving on from heartbreak, sleep can feel like the enemy.

Stronger Than You Think

The end of the year is universally a time for reflection over how we have interacted with the different aspects of our lives. With as tumultuous and uncertain this year has represented, it may feel daunting to revisit how things may have unfolded. For most, it is been a year of finding new meaning of existing and navigating our way through life. For me, it has felt more like being surrounded by glass walls where I can see exactly where I want to go, but instead ramming my face into the barriers this year has inadvertently presented.

It is easier to recall all the ways our plans have unraveled as the year progressed. We could have been excited to seek adventure in relationships, partnerships and collaborations. Perhaps we were looking for new friendships to join in on our explorations or focused more on learning new truths about ourselves at the start of this year.

I would like to present an invitation to join me in navigating ways that we have cultivated strength this year.

Finding Passion Amidst the Struggle

This year has taught us collectively the power we hold to be resilient. For some, it has been a time for self- awareness, focus on health and family, courage to face and challenge unhealthy behavior or relational patterns, and a chance to go inward and find what we truly hold dear. For others, (myself included) it has been more of a demented roller coaster of coping, balancing roles and responsibilities and overall trying to keep a hold of the already overflowing platter of expectations to just make it through the day.

No matter where you fall on this spectrum, affirm that what you are doing, and what you have to offer is enough.