Finding Confidence In Who You Are

Who I am today and the woman you experience me to be, is not the woman I was 6 years ago. There are things I can say and do that I would not have the courage to do years ago. The adventures I have partaken in, the experiences I have said yes to, or even the boundaries I have set for myself are as foreign to me now if I had been told 6 years ago that this is who I would become.

I would not have thought I would ever wear a rose gold, fully bejeweled floor length gown to perform an extravagant waltz in front of 100 people. Nor would I have ever contemplated allowing myself to celebrate with such extravagance for Bollywood night AND be dressed in a traditional two-piece lehenga that had a bare midriff, which was MAGENTA, and showing my tattoos in front of my very conservative family members!

I would not have accepted the invitation to stand in front of 300 people and speak on advocacy where my passion on the topic was palpable.  6 years ago, I was fearful of sharing my views and thoughts to share publicly and have it published; forget having the confidence that my work would be sought after by multiple publishing houses. I would have been hesitant and avoidant in accepting opportunities to speak on podcasts and on TV shows as an expert.

I also would not have made a disgusted face directly at a perpetrator and walked directly to the store security in order to report the pervert who chose to expose himself to me while shopping at Marshall’s.

There is a stark difference in the energy you experience in my presence now than what you would have 6 years ago.

Don’t get me wrong, I have always been the same person at my core. So, what is the drastic change? I have always been empathic and kind. I was intuitive; however, I did not trust my own intuition. I would be the container for my clients, friends, children, and partners emotions/ experiences- yet I would not set boundaries or point out what I am perceiving and speak on my intuition until I had an exuberant amount of evidence to prove my point.

I have always been feminine in my choices of clothing and how I expressed myself outwardly, and yet, I was petrified at the notion of being seen. I was not comfortable with being noticed or gaining attention and therefore, I limited my choices in fashion to avoid being called flamboyant.

I have always been the advocate for those around me, yet, I would have allowed the disrespect or trauma I experience to be dismissed as being “not that bad” or “I am strong enough to handle it without causing a scene” instead of fighting for myself too.

Some people call this transformation confidence. I will tell you that is not the case. Confidence is a by product of what the shift truly was…. ACCEPTANCE.

I learned to accept that these are aspects of myself that are different from everyone else. I have learned to accept the weirdness, the intensity, the rebellious energy, the determined spirit. All the elements of my being that was criticized by others that I had learned to dim down and neglect- I am no longer willing to hide who I am. I will swim in it until my fingers get all prun-ie and those who gravitate towards that will find me and stay. Those who do not understand or appreciate these qualities are just not meant to be a part of my tribe. I am not everyone’s cup of tea and that is perfectly OKAY. I have every right to be unapologetically me as long as it is not causing harm to anyone else. I am ME in all my creative, flamboyant, intense, loving, strange, fierce, and dysfunctional self.

Here are a few affirmations that have helped me stay on course of revealing myself to me and learning to accept those attributes for what they were without judgement. You cannot heal in the same environment that broke you.

·         You cannot grow in an environment that steals nurturing energy.

·         You cannot evolve in an environment that stifles your transformations.

·         Awareness without behavioral change is bullsh*t.

·         Boundaries without consequence is a waste of breath.

·         The intent doesn’t erase the impact.

 Which affirmations have or could potentially be helpful in helping you accept you as you are?