Can't Seem To Get Motivated: What Gives?
The cooler weather brings with it the love of warm drinks, sweater weather and cozy blanket forts. It also drags along with it the shorter days, dreary weather, and a reluctance to get up in the morning to get moving. Just as there are the changes and transitions in the weather, there are also transitions in us.
The transitions are at times welcomed with open arms and others are rejected with everything we can muster. Some shifts are monumental and some barely leave a mark until one day we look back and see just how far we have come.
If you look at your past in its totality, you will realize that along with difficulties there were times when you were joyful and optimistic. The past holds important clues as to what will bring you fulfillment in the future.
How do you tell the difference between avoidance and procrastination? The difference is based on the emotional value we place on these tasks. Putting them in categories will help shed light on which ones would be the simpler one to tackle.
The “I don’t want to do it” (procrastination) vs. “this gives me so much anxiety” (avoidance) categories. It’s differentiating the emotional and mental energy that it would take.
Even when there is an understanding that the tasks need to be completed, the reason it doesn’t get done is that the consequence for stalling isn’t strong enough to elicit movement towards completion.
The only way to move through this rut is understanding and processing the possible mental association we have behind them.
To help with figuring out what the underlying meaning is, write a list of demanding tasks that need to be completed in a particular time frame.
Once you have this list, I want you to separate them into two categories of what feels like avoidance and what is procrastination.
The list under procrastination could be the easiest to start with because it has the least amount of emotional attachment.
One item nearly ALWAYS under procrastination is laundry for me. I could easily say that the reason I drag my feet on this is that I don’t like it, or it’s annoying. That is the reason, but there is more to it than that.
Ask yourself why?
Just because I don’t like it, or its annoying doesn’t mean that its enough of a reason to stay stuck. There are plenty of other things that get accomplished that I do not like to do, e.g. get gas, taking out the trash, or vacuuming the floors.
WHY is doing the laundry a problem? Why is annoying or why do I not want to do it?
The thought process goes like this: I don’t like doing it, it’s an extra time-consuming chore that takes too much energy sometimes… AND it is because it feels never ending. I cleaned up the closet, put up all the clothes, folded and put everything in drawers YESTERDAY afternoon and this morning, my son tells me the washer is nearly full.
I can’t ever get ahead of it and it feels as though even if I put in this effort, it won’t stay that way and I will need to do more in a day or two again.
So, I’ll leave the two baskets of clean clothes will stay there. Because WHAT’S THE POINT?! Hahaha
In bringing this core understanding of our motive behind the hesitation, we can use this awareness to work past it. We get stuck on these chores because we do not process the reason behind being stuck.
In realizing that the issue here with putting away the laundry is that I do not feel there is a reward for all of that effort, I can then start working on changing that outlook.
As I mentioned before, we will not follow through on a behavior if it is not something we value or if the consequence for stalling isn’t detrimental. It will get done eventually but, “eventually” creates a sense of unsteadiness and low sense of accomplishment/ achievement/ worth.
We have to work within what we value. I value cleanliness, but in my mind, the clean clothes in a basket tucked in the closet is still being clean. So, how do I make myself put away the clothes?
I had the basket next to my bed and tripped over it in the middle of the night. That was motivation enough to move the basket to the closet. That was consequence driven. I want to help you get to where the decision is desire driven so the behavior will become a habit and not constantly avoided.
We must come up with a reason that makes doing it valuable so it will get done.
Doing laundry because it has the shirt I want to wear, or a dress that needs to hang dry, so I can wear it on a date.
Getting administrative work done because I want money
Working out regularly because my thighs are touching again or because I only watch certain upbeat dance songs that I love when I am on the elliptical, so I make myself get on it, so I jam.
You may not value unpacking the boxes, but you may value what the end result will bring you: the room being complete, personal escape/ oasis, or curiosity of what’s been packed away; trip down memory lane.
You may not enjoy running every day, but you need the solitude that brings peace from the people in your life for that one moment out of the entire day.
Oftentimes we get stuck in the failure aspect of not getting things done which is why it is important to just take the first step towards a change. Instead of focusing on the reasons why you don’t want to do it, find what aspect of the action will make it worthwhile. Slowly let the internal messages reveal themselves to you and start your shift.